Reflections on Life and Faith,
by David Keating

Dishrags and Doormats

October 7, 2006

     "If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything." Or, put another way, "If you stand for nothing you'll fall for anything." I'm not sure where this saying originated but one version or another has appeared in as diverse a range of places as a speech by Malcolm X, a country song by Aaron Tippin, a rap song, and a quote by a football player. I suspect that it's been around for a long time.

     I like it. It puts our actions into context. It reminds us that we need to understand what it is that we believe and why.

     It's an idea that's good for more than one column in fact, and I'm already jotting down notes for a second article on the theme. For this week, you may have to bear with me for a line or two while I make the connection, because the second thought that it generated was also an old saying: "No one can make you into a doormat unless you lie down first."

     I know; I'm usually talking about tolerance and forgiveness. However, there's a great deal of difference between tolerance and allowing oneself to be exploited. Between forgiveness and capitulation to others simply for the sake of some perceived expectation.

     In a recent online conversation, a woman who is exploring her understanding of religion raised the question of "submitting" to her husband. Wasn't this a biblical requirement? Aren't there plenty of places on the planet where this is common practice? And what about the fact that she is much more "religious" than her husband? Should she submit to a man who did not share her beliefs?

     In the case of this particular conversation, the woman's husband was not interested in her obedience. In fact, he made it very clear that he wanted his wife to be his equal, not his property.

     But what about those situations where others are all too ready to take advantage of those who think they should accept any sort of conduct in the name of tolerance? Or that we should never stand up for ourselves because of some perception that suffering is somehow a better demonstration of our faith?

     In an old Kenny Rogers song, a father makes his son promise that he will turn the other cheek no matter what. The son spends years enduring the abuse of the town bully in an attempt to honour his father's wishes. In the end, his unwillingness to oppose his tormentor only exposes someone he cares about to abuse as well.

     Okay, it's more than a little corny. And in the simplistic world of American mythology, the wrongs are righted by the hero beating up the bad guys and riding off into the sunset with the girl.

     This column isn't about violence, even for the sake of ending violence. That's a different discussion. This is about understanding the value of each and every human being and indeed all of Creation. It's about being unwilling to accept less than dignity for anyone, ourselves included.

     Often, we seem to think that our faith calls us to stand up for others, but not for ourselves. But how can that make sense?

     The imagery of sacred text has been interpreted in a multitude of ways. Like the woman in the conversation earlier, it can lead us to wonder what God expects of us.

     But Jesus didn't send the disciples out telling them to be timid. He sent them out in confidence and with the strength of their faith in God's Love.

David Keating